He had no relation to me, not by blood or otherwise. Didn't even know my family much before I arrived. Just a neighbor, a few houses down from where I lived. He lived there with his wife and daughter. My cranky Grandfather's age, who would lay it on him for just standing outside our house. And yet he would take all that everyday and still show up to take me on walks and show me places. I used to spend the whole day, everyday at his house with him, his wife and daughter. They made me part of their little family. He would take me to school at kindergarten and pick me up after. I often wonder...why me? Was it just pure luck, to have someone love me so selflessly. It baffles me how pure and altruistic his doting was. I mean, not to sound like a jerk but what reasons did he have to love me so freaking much despite having no biological or any other sort of connection to me? Why give me so much of himself and not expect anything in return?
He would tell me stories, epics of Mahabharata, Ramayana and Panchatantra, he taught me to take God's name and truly believe in him/her. Along with the morals behind these religious texts. To love my country and my culture. He told me about the most wise people of my country, who fought to free it and to cure it. People like Mahatma Gandhi, Bhagat Singh, Lal Bahadur Shastri, Lala Lajpat Rai, Sarojini Naidu, Savitribai Pule, Bal Gangadhar Tilak and A.P.J Abdul Kalam, etc. In a world full of, 'I'm not loving anyone I'm not legally required to...', the biggest lesson he taught me was, you don't need blood ties or genes to be family, you just have to let yourself love others. He passed away in 2015, the only person I've ever really lost. But this conversation isn't about that.
Recently, my mother said something that really struck me, even hurt me to an extent (which to be honest is almost everything she says, I should clearly be used to this by now but considering I'm not, joke's on me). It also sent me into a spiral of thoughts. She said, 'Remember how gramps taught you ethics? how he integrated benevolence in you as a kid? how he taught you prayers and hymns? how he made you a perfect little genius as a kid, who everybody was proud of? Would he be proud of the person you have grown up to be?' And trust me they weren't just 'ponder on your life', philosophical questions, they was meant to show me a mirror since she doesn't like the person I've grown up to be. But it did make me wonder, would he be proud of me, of who I am today?
Honestly, I don't really know. Maybe not. Does it even matter? maybe. I mean these types of questions frustrate yet intrigue me because there's no solid, definite answer to that. The matter is one of those subjects, that are too subjective for a specific conclusion. Considering he's not here anymore for me to ask him directly nor do I have enough money to rent a medium and Ouija Boards are hella unreliable and lowkey scary, all we can do is speculate.
My mother isn't a fan of my rebellious spirit. She hates my political opinions. My sense of self, how I dress, how I talk openly and how I dare ask questions to what most people would consider norm. She hates that I am not who she wants me to be. A devoted little God worshiper who is extremely studious in the field she wants me to be in. Someone who believes and acts whatever is fed without questioning. My opinions about society itself enrages her. It's so very subjective and if she believes that I am not a person to be proud of, it's her opinion. Many people might have similar opinions about me but their perception of me is just a reflection of them. It's got nothing to do with me.
All I know is that I am proud of who I am as a person today. I might not be religious, I might not sing hymns with devotion, I might not pray to the God most people pray to, I might have different faith and beliefs and I might not even have the same political inclinations and opinions as he did. But what I soaked in quite literally was the values and purposes behind his teachings. Maybe the reason he educated me about mythological, historical and religious stories was for me to grasp the morals and wisdom in them. Focus on the knowledge about virtuous qualities and teachings in them to form my own path and judgment of the world and not cram the facts to blindly follow rituals just because certain people said so.
He asked me to never be corrupt or vile and the values of kindness, compassion, bravery, forgiveness, passion, honesty, respect and hard work. He taught me to love my country, my culture and heritage, but respect other cultures and the world at the same time. He said to be courageous and understanding enough to be just and fierce if needed. He passed on the values he gained, gathered and carried for decades. That was his legacy to me. I remember him being proud of me. There were many many good deeds he taught me, the wisdom he bestowed and the knowledge he imparted, some things I remember, others, I'm informed by people around me. He gave me most of the values I still carry with me. He is a massive part of who I am today. Maybe he wasn't as righteous as I remember him to be, sure he had his many flaws but for me he is a symbol of the good in me, a moral compass since most of what I remember about him is ethical and full of integrity.
I think society and political atmosphere changes everyday, the world revolves and rotates and things never remain the same, but in this constantly spinning and changing environment we need these basic human decencies and qualities to keep moving forward. In this ever rushing and gushing world, what's politically correct today might not be so tomorrow, what's relevant for people today might not remain so tomorrow but being empathetic and sensitive to people would remain as valuable as it was eons ago. And I would like to believe I am a person with all these values, or I try very hard to be that person, hoping it would be worth it. I hope I am successful and intelligent enough to take care of myself, people around me and people who need it. I hope I am happy and a decent human being, trying to be even better. The most important thing is that I care...about what? Everything and anything. I care about the other decent people of the world. I care about the environment that sustains us. I care about my home which is not a physical entity but a passage of time, any place or time that makes me feel safe, comfortable and happy, I wanna protect it. I care...about the world I live in, and I care about the world he left for me to love, cherish and make home in.
Who would he want me to be if not this person? Who would he want me to be if not someone who can love another innocent human being not related to them and care enough to mold that soul into an upstanding citizen of his or her time as long as they live? Who would he want me to be if not someone who can impart his own noble ideals, principles and values to generations after him? Who would he want me to be if not someone with a pint of hope and a massive wish for the world to be a utopia? Would he be proud of that person? Would he be proud of me? I sure hope so.